A Bleh Couple of Days

25 01 2010

Not much exciting going on over here.  Mostly just homework, more homework, and more homework.  Everything feels very disorganized and confusing right now.  I hope that getting a couple more weeks further into the semester will remedy some of that, but we’ll see.  Either way, it sounds like that pied piper of vacations, my own dear mother, is trying to talk everyone into a short Vegas trip on spring break! 

Well, we went over to babysit K2 and Squishy for awhile this weekend while the parental units went out and finally saw Avatar.  FF and I saw it in Vegas after Christmas and even though I had certain (somewhat negative) expectations, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.  If you don’t overanalyze it, it’s a pretty damn engaging story.  I’d like to see the 3D version before it is out of theaters, but am worried that it might make me a little motion sick, since I can’t even ride in the back seat of a regular car for more than a couple minutes without needing to vomit.  But we’ll see.

Anyway, Squishy actually did pretty good except after her nap and snack, I logically figured it would be a good time to change her diaper.  Apparently this was the worst insult imaginable and she cried during and after for a good 20 minutes.  Serious crocodile tears and all.  Geez kid, I thought I was finally in your club! :(

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a finite number of ways you can rehash the same basic concepts in discussion board forums.  I feel like I am playing virtual magnet poetry with the same set of words relating to education + technology over and over again.  And I find it to be reprehensible that people who should know better (ed tech faculty and researchers) can design their courses so poorly.  What gives?  Is it all just a test to see if we’re paying attention?

I never used to watch TV.  In fact, I went through most of my childhood, and all of my college years basically never watching serial TV programming; sticking to periodic movies, both old and new.  My weakness was cheesy snake / misc sci-fi movies, the more ridiculous the better.  But amazingly after I got married, and was in a period between college and having a child, I actually had something called “time”.  And darn FF for introducing me to the wonders of TV.  Now my brain is ruined and I actually like watching TV and have a whole list of favorite shows.  Of course, the miraculous DVR life-changing experience is directly related to this metamorphosis. I’ve written about this before but I fear it is time to catalog/comment on some new favorites:

  • We’ve started watching Dirty Jobs more religiously.  I admit it; I find Mike Rowe to be entertaining in a boyish, charming kind of way.  Some of the episodes gross me out but most of them are funny and interesting.  Especially the debacles that he and the crew get into.  Fire ants in your pants, anyone?
  • I’ve lost touch with CSI this season.  Without Grissom, the light has gone out of my furnace.  I really like Fishburne a lot, and I’m not bitter that he took over…but I just can’t drum up the desire to watch the show anymore.  I may try to watch the whole season on DVD later.  Maybe.
  • I tried out NCIS LA since I’ve become a total whore for NCIS, but this relationship was never meant to be.  The chemistry just isn’t there for me with this crew.
  • I’ve had a flirtation with House for awhile, but overall FF has been more into this show than I have.  However this season, I’ve been watching it more, and honestly I’m not sure why.  I just like his crankiness and the improbable random medical cases they come up with.  It fills the same disturbing niche as Mystery Diagnosis (which I haven’t set up the DVR to record in like, a year!)
  • The Food Network is responsible for the REAL train wreck in my TV love-life lately, however.  I tried really hard to resist the allure of Chopped, but alas, it has sucked me in.  I am REALLY hooked on that show and after watching a veritable weekend marathon, I found myself dreaming about it and going through withdrawal until the next new episode.  I attribute this obsession to the fact that I’m in love with Ted Allen (he’s such a cute little puppy dog!) and that it’s like watching a faster paced mini Iron Chef.  Totally awesome.
  • Basically ditto on “worst cooks in America”.  I caught a couple episode reruns because I like Anne Burrell and found myself inexplicably enjoying it.  Now I am totally committed to riding it out to the end.  I think the overall concept is fairly ludicrous but whatever, I can’t help myself.  I probably need some therapy.
  • Lastly for the Food Network, I am also really enjoying “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” because there is just something stupidly engaging about people (not just everyday people but CELEBRITY CHEFS wax poetic about their favorite foods.  I dare you to watch this show and not find it at least somewhat interesting.  Or I dare you to watch this show and not find yourself drooling.  Take your pick.
  • Sanctuary had a totally bad-ass, totally WICKED 2-part season finale recently and I’m SO annoyed that the season won’t return for another NINE MONTHS!  I could hatch a damn baby in that amount of time!  Come on people, you can’t leave me hanging with the image of an angry gigantonormous blue aquatic psychic demigod spider that can shift tectonic plates!!!  SO NOT FAIR.
  • Antiques roadshow.  I am so addicted to this show.  I have never before in my life exhibited the slightest interest in antiques, or known anything about them.  Yet there is something so compelling about seeing these rare, crazy items with crazy stories behind them. 
  • America’s Test Kitchen.  This is a FF favorite and I enjoy it too.  They have some wild techniques but their overall shtick is pretty cool.  And I really like the tasting lab/equipment corner.  I wonder what it would be like to have a job where you just cook the same recipe over and over and over until it is perfect?  I mean, how many times do you think it would take to perfect a banana bread recipe?  What do they do with all the duds?




Opening the Box

22 01 2010

Well, the kiddo came home from school yesterday completely brimming with some kind of unidentified emotion.  She was very wound up but it took a few minutes to sort out what was on her mind…I would use the word “excited”, but not in the happy sense, rather that she was virtually vibrating with the weight of some very important information. 

Anyway, as we got down to it, at school she learned about the concept of earthquakes in general, and Haiti in specific.  Knowing the preschool staff, I am certain that they shared this with the students in a very age-appropriate way but wow, those are some awfully big concepts for little people.

So she wanted to talk about it, and we did, and I tried to be as reassuring as possible; listening more than talking and seeing where she wanted to go with it.  She was very concerned about the children not having food, and also very upset about the thought of their houses being “broken”.  She wanted to know what was going to ”happen next”.  She also wanted to know what would happen to the kids who lost their parents.   Unfortunately I had very few answers for her, but did my best to explain disaster relief at a 4 year old level.

Hell, I don’t know all that much about natural disaster relief myself, but the whole world watches events like the 2004 tsunami and the Haiti quake with our hearts in our throat.  And I fear this will come out sounding wrong, but it became that much more poignant and sad to me in that instant, knowing that it had touched my daughter’s consciousness and burst open her world that much more.  I have the instinctive wish to shield her, protect her, and keep her from that kind of  hurt and fear, directly and indirectly.  I so don’t want her to feel fearful that her house is going to break, her family members are going to die, that her world (figuratively or literally) might come apart.  But she lives in this world and nothing is certain.  Nor do I want to discount her level of empathy and understanding.  She is a sensitive, intelligent child and it is always heartening to see these glimpses of her beautiful spirit.  And of course it opens a door of discussion on community, charity, activism, and values. 

I guess the reality is that this growing pain is mine, not hers.  I am growing up, in the balancing act of protecting her physically / psychologically and setting her loose.  It takes a lot more courage than I expected.  And perhaps this is all narcissistic triviality; I fully admit that is a potential interpretation here, but I can’t deny how my heart dropped when she started to talk about the earthquake. I guess that I selfishly wished to keep all the bad stuff out just a little bit longer.





The 7 Faces of Dr. K

21 01 2010

(OK, well, it’s really only 6….)

K really likes the goofy webcam software that came on my netbook.  I’m pretty sure this could entertain her for hours…but I’m left feeling slightly…guilty, like, shouldn’t she just go dress up for real?  Oh well.  Bonus points for anyone that understands the movie reference in the post title!!

 





Bodily Functions Nightmare

20 01 2010

Yeah, so, going on road trips with little kids is kind of nightmarish.  Why, you ask?  Well, for starters, when you have a kid that is pretty newly potty trained, you get a lot of false alarms.  Or, in K’s case, her standard explanation for wanting to pee every 10 minutes is “but my body just isn’t empty yet!”.   Shoot me now.

For the grand post-Christmas Vegas adventure, we had not even reached the freeway yet, when she started to randomly gag and cough and squawk about needing to “frow up!”.   Cue rapid turn-off and pull over maneuvering, and we went around and supplied her with her “frow up bucket”, AKA the bucket insert in her emergency travel potty chair.  She gagged and sputtered for a few minutes but nothing came up.  So I decreed a motherly rule that she had to hold on to her bucket and keep it close for the rest of the trip. 

Shortly after that, she quietly dropped off to sleep for almost three hours.  I was feeling pretty good about the trip at that point, but I should have known she was just lulling me into complacency.  When she woke up, she calmly informed us she needed to potty.  No problem, right?  We were only about 5 miles from the next town.  But no, that was too far away so yeah, cue another roadside pull-off maneuver for her to use her travel potty chair.  Of course, she managed to overshoot a bit and pee all over the van carpet as well.  Oh well, better than the rubix-cube-carseat (takes an act of god to take the thing apart and put it back together again.)

A bit after that, we stopped to take a break and get some early dinner.  She used the restroom there, and yet literally less than 10 minutes after getting in the car, she started whining about needing the bathroom again.  Why did I score the child with a bladder the size of a lima bean?  So again with the portable potty chair, and again with the overshooting and dousing the carpet.  Sigh. 

We finally got back on the road and made good progress….until we got near the dam, where we got stuck in a miserable traffic jam for 2+ hours.  And yes, as expected, about 1 hour into it, she started the potty chant.  Unfortunately though, traffic was sporadically inching forward every now and then so we couldn’t get out and help her use the portable potty, nor was there any shoulder to pull over.  So in a stroke of desperate maternal problem-solving, I reached back and released her from confinement and had her take off her pants and slip on one of the nighttime pullups we had fortunately just purchased at our prior stop.  Not a very elegant solution, but again, better than peeing in her carseat. 

Not to mention the inherent challenges in staying in a place with tall sinks, no appropriate step stools, nuclear-fusion-temperature grade water heaters, etc etc.  Add to it going out on the town to many different public restrooms with auto flush toilets (K is TERRIFIED of these!), and her amazing knack for needing to use the bathroom EXACTLY at the moment when any food arrives at any restaurant table.

The best is when she is sitting on an autoflush toilet, totally cringing, and wipes herself and immediately claps her hands over her ears to prepare for the noisy tsunami flush, only to realize…the used toilet paper is still in her hand.

Isn’t parenting AWESOME?!





OMG! Run faster!

19 01 2010

*not actually me!

First, take a moment and look at these date tags, will you? NINE days since the last post.  This is totally unacceptable and management will address the problem forthwith.  Well, hopefully.

Yes, as this picture illustrates, I am back on the hamster wheel of grad school again.   The break went by in approximately 5 nanoseconds, I think.  (Vegas’ll do that to a person, I hear).  Even though the semester technically started a week ago, I find myself floundering and completely at a loss for motivation, comprehension, organization, and any other applicable tion’s you can think of.   On Sunday night, I did the first assignment for one of my classes and it should have been easy in theory but in practice it took me about 4 hours, and included an elegant mental breakdown, 2 temper tantrums (on the inside [mostly]), and a very, VERY strong impulse to throw my mouse through the window just to hear some kind of satisfying breakage. Yeah, welcome back to academia!

Sooooo, yeah, I’ve been a in a marvelous frame of mind and lots of fun to be around lately.  Just ask FF!  On second thought, don’t ask him.  Work, too, has been pretty nutty, although, not as bad as some semester launches.  I attribute the manageable-nut-factor to my awesome coworkers.  (and possibly I should also recognize here the fine contributions of my good friend,  Beer.)

So anyway, this is another one of those “whatever pops into my head with no organization or coherent theme” posts.

K has not been the best sleeper lately.  After 4+ years of dealing with unholy sleep disruptions, I’d like to say at this point that becoming a parent is FULL of false advertising.  When they are all tiny, cute, and fit in one arm, you tell yourself that all the sleep deprivation is worth it, and after all, they’ll sleep through the night eventually, right?  FALSEFALSEFALSE!!! Woe is me.

I have to proclaim something very important: vanilla oreos dipped in Nutella might be the most delicious thing on Earth.  So delicious in fact that I will not be able to buy them ever again, because merely looking at the package is approximately 200 calories.  This is most definitely what I want for dinner.  Sigh.

Just when I am about to pull my freaking hair out over my daughter’s sudden shift to demanding parent-interactive play CONSTANTLY, a $6 investment in a pretend-pizza-set kept her busy for 2 days straight!  What the heck?  I mean, she always used to be really good about creative, imaginative pretend and/or toy play, and I always felt we had a really positive mix of solo and interactive play.  Lately though, it has been Mom/Dad/K2 or nothing but complaints.  I don’t get it.  Is this a normal developmental shift?  Geez kid, go entertain yourself already and let us take down the Christmas decorations!

Now that the dining room area is painted, mostly deboxed, and we have an actual table and chairs, we have started eating at the table like (mostly) civilized folks.  Thus, I am teaching K to set the table.  So far, she thinks it is a lot of fun; especially when it comes to lighting or blowing out the candles.  I wonder, am I starting a pyro here?

My self Christmas present this year was my ridiculously cute Coach bag.  FF, on the other hand, has been lusting after a Keurig single-cup coffee brewer for quite awhile, so that was his self-gift this year.  I expected to get indifferent service out of it, just as I have viewed any other coffee apparatus in the past.  Well, that was the past.  I’m now a slavish fanboi for this thing.  Go figure.  But hey, it brews perfect single cups of coffee, tea, or cocoa in mere seconds, directly into my travel mugs and there are no distracting measurements, clean up, filters, blah blah blah.  It’s ridiculously awesome. 

/Soapbox:

Dear Ghost Whisperer / JLH:

I feel that some of the storylines this season have been waning in quality.  For example, who had the great idea of digitally rendering the “Shiny people” on the cheap, thus ending up with something that looked like the love child of Casper the ghost and the Stay-Puft man?  Also bear witness to the oddness of sending JLH inside an online virtual world avatar. Please understand that I hold you to no specific intellectual standards, but there is only so much ridiculousness that I can tolerate in the name of my JLH crush.  I hate to bring this up and all, but I just saw the preview footage for next Friday and all I can say is….couldn’t you spend a little more on those glowing orange contact lenses?  And hasn’t the cheesy demonic possession thing been DONE enough already? I’m really ok with numbing, formulaic regularity in your episodes, so please consider this my request to skip the contact lenses, avatars, and marshmellow people forthwith.    /Soapbox off

OK, one more last thought: DAMN, some days I wish I could have gone from pregnancy to a 5 year old in the blink of an eye with nary a scratch, saggy boob, or misplaced hair.





Parental Fail

10 01 2010

Well, I’d add a “volume” number to the end of that title because it surely isn’t the first, but I am about to confess to a parenting heart attack of epic proportions.  The circumstances weren’t really anyone’s fault, but I feel like my panic-stricken paralysis was definitely a major parental fail.  Yeah, another fabulous mea culpa post – consider yourself warned.

What is this all about, you ask?  Well, during the fabulous post-Christmas Vegas extravaganza, the tribe migrated over to the Forum shops at Caesar’s to do a little shopping and have lunch at Cheesecake Factory.   Now, for those of you that have been there, you know that rotunda area around the huge salt water tank is usually majorly packed with people looking at the fish, or waiting for the statue show, or whatever.

That day was no exception…it was so crowded that it was difficult to even wade through the masses to the restaurant.  K of course ran straight to the fish tank to ogle all the critters, and parked herself in a prime viewing area on top of the marble bench.  At various times during the restaurant wait, tabs were kept on her by me, Aunt Carole, and/or Uncle Bubba.  So I want to make it clear that she was in fact thoroughly supervised.

And yet, when we began the shuffle in to the restaurant for seating, I tried to hold her hand and guide her through the crowd.  She uncharacteristically pulled away from me and said something like “NO MOM, don’t crush my treat!”  Well, that quickly got my attention because none of our tribe had given her any kind of food…so she opened her hand to reveal some small, green, sticky looking glob of indeterminate origin.  I started to freak out and question her about where she found it; envisioning her vaccuuming up partially-digested snail food from the floor or something. 

She reported that someone “gave it to her”, which then started off a whole new set of alarm bells in my head.   Upon prompting for further details, she was adamant that a “big person, an adult” had given it to her, which naturally ratcheted up my impending heart attack yet another notch.  At that point, we got swept along in the current of people to the restaurant where I was finally able to talk to Aunt Carole and ask if she knew anything about the situation.

This is where the parental fail part comes in, because both FF and I felt pretty paralyzed and couldn’t figure out what to do.  We just kept looking at each other, back and forth, and at her, and at the sticky green glob, and I just couldn’t think what to do next.  I had horrible visions in my head of poisons, drugs, biological warfare, stomach pumpings, etc etc.  It was one of those surreal, horrific moments that feel like they go on forever.

Well, thank god for Aunt Carole because she sprang into action and very logically decided to go ask the kids and adults near the area where K had been sitting and watching the fish.  As it turned out, this European grandma type character was handing out these “candy treats” to her grandkids and kindly shared one with K.  Aunt Carole observed that the other kids did not appear to be keeling over or needing their stomachs pumped, so we breathed a collective sigh of relief and moved on.  But it was a chilling incident that I’m sure will stay with me forever.  And yes, we’ve had a very specific and serious come-to-jesus talk with K about the many nuances of stranger danger and related situations.

Thank whatever powers that be that it turned out to be an innocuous situation, but I can’t help but berate myself for my lack of ability to think quickly and react.  What if every moment had counted for the health and safety of my child?  Paralysis isn’t an option.  Well, I guess I’ll choose to treat that as a training opportunity, and hope that in the future, I’ll be more competent and decisive than your average bowl of jello.





Well, It’s Back to the Grind Now

8 01 2010

Doncha think vacations would be a lot more fun without the overhanging threat of returning back to the daily grind of bills, work, dirty cat pans, and vomiting children?  Oh well, if I were independently wealthy without such crass daily concerns, what would I do with all my time?

Nevermind, don’t answer that.  It would probably involve lots of traveling, champagne, and the full cast of the Las Vegas Chippendales.  And that, my friends, is another post, for another day.

Anywho, the trip was mostly fun but overall had a little weird slant going on.  For one thing, the day we arrived, FF started to come down with bronchitis from his bout with the evil laryngitis bug.  He slept away much of the trip.  For another, we didn’t stay in a hotel this time but rather the whole tribe shared a (mostly) fully furnished luxury vacation house.  Which was a cool change-up and all, but I think maybe I’ll stick to the basic anonymity of hotels from now on.  The jacuzzi was nice, yes, but crawling through the jungle and monkeying with valves, switches, gauges, each time we wanted to use it was a little really obnoxious.  Also geez people, hire a competent damn cleaning crew next time, k?

Santa was good to me this year!

 

Gorgeously purple!!!

The upshot was that K and K2 kept each other marvelously entertained from morning to bedtime every day.  It was so awesome to go from cranky, bored, adversarial child to “honey, have you seen our daughter in the last 6 hours?”   It was also very nice to spend some time hanging with #1 niece, who is so radiantly beautiful in body, mind, and spirit.  Talking to her at times made me wistfully long to be a teenager again for a few moments…but then yeah, not really.

Vegas was P-A-C-K-E-D.  In fact, I don’t recall having seen it this packed in the last 5 or 6 years.  Overall we hung out at the house with the tribe more than anything, but still fit in a little gambling, saw 2 movies, and FF, K, and I spent one afternoon cruising through a massive outlet mall.  Viva la shopping!!!  Oh and I killed a bottle of Grey Goose by myself in a short couple days but somehow never really attained spirit world status.  WTF people?  Guess I need to go back to tequila shots, as my tolerance seems to have officially built back up to that halycon level of college drinking days.  Perhaps it is because I AM actually a student again??

My ridiculously cute new Coach bag!

Oh and we made a prerequisite trip to Cheesecake Factory at the Forum shops for Gmom’s birthday lunch, followed up by a night out on the town for the girls.  Yeah, we’re back to the Chippendales again.  Way too much fun to go into details. 

We also made a special trip over to the Build-a-Bear Workshop at Planet Hollywood because K asked Santa at the last minute before Christmas for a teddy bear.  Santa couldn’t find a perfect one so he instructed us to take her for a custom job in Vegas.  Surprisingly, she opted for a CAT critter instead of a bear altogether, and of the approximately 2,395,134 outfits available, she chose a sparkley black flamenco-looking confection.  Go figure.

Awwww

The cats survived the dreadful separation courtesy of fine TLC from friend RustyG.  Their bid for retaliation consisted of crusting all three toilet seats in the house with layer upon layer of cat-litter-dust-mud-footprints, and making a total sandpit out of the laundry room.  I even found some cat-litter-mudprints in my slippers!  Really, Cookie, REALLY?

Yeah, I KNOW you 2 aren't so innocent!

Well, I guess that is pretty much the gist of it all.  It was fun but way too short and here I am staring down the barrel of another semester of marvelously stimulating classes.  It has been really difficult to get back into the swing of work this week too, probably because I didn’t keep tabs on email AT ALL this trip which is unusual for me.  Thiscoming weekend will be a fabulously fun cleaning and un-decorating extravaganza.  Double bleh.

Oh well, guess we better start planning the next vacation now, to keep a wee carrot dangling in front of my eyes.





Quick Recap

28 12 2009

Well, for no particular reason, the mental lethargy and un-motivation expressed in my last post has persisted.  I could blame it all on being busy but that wouldn’t strictly be true.  My current rationale for this follows along the infamous Kelly Bundy theory of finite mental memory resources….see, graduate school sucks up so much of my limited mental processing abilities during the semester so that during breaks, I go into a temporary stasis and all non-critical brain services shut down.

Anyway, so yeah, Christmas was pretty awesome.  No, I didn’t get the house completely cleaned up as I had hoped/planned.  Even the gnarly Uncle-Bubba-painting handprints on the downstairs bathroom mirror are still in situ.  But, I got all the shopping done that I’d planned, everything got wrapped, and the sugar cookies got made for Santa on Christmas eve.  I would include a picture but to be honest, I was too tired and unmotivated to take any.  BAD MOMMY for missing that kodak moment and many others, I’m sure.

Christmas morning was fun but a little anticlimactic.  K was pretty nonplussed with her Santa gift (the easel/desk thing) even though we set it up with all her art supplies + a few new goodies.  However, *I* am pretty thrilled with all the storage and think it will get a lot of use.  She dug all her other presents pretty much, and it was a good day for all.  We had a nice, quiet small group for Christmas dinner and everything came together nicely, although we of course ended up with way too much leftover food.  I am very pleased with myself because I came up with my own recipe for a spicy cornbread-sausage dressing side dish and it turned out quite well…Uncle Bubba gave it two thumbs up.  It’s the little things…

So what did Santa bring me, you ask???  Well, as it happens, I must have been a VERY good girl this year, because he brought me a brand new, beautiful purple netbook that I’ve been lusting after for a while.  It is the PERFECT size for dragging to work, and has wickedly good battery life.  It fits in my purse, it’s cute, functional and AWESOME.  Pictures to follow later. 

So, now we are off to our crazy Vegas holiday. The rest of the tribe will be arriving in a couple days.  The cats are at home  in good company with my friend RustyG, although I am pretty sure Juno will have a few words for FF about abandonment when we return.    So far everything is going pretty swimmingly, except for the wee evil genius complaining about JUST ABOUT everything she can think of.  Hour….after…hour….after….hour of screechy complaints.  Generally that could really mean she is just a) hungry b) bored c) tired d) peevish e) peckish f) possessed by demonic forces that are determined to shred the last of her parents’ sanity (?! not sure about the last one but just guessing.)  Philosophically, I keep asking myself “are we being punished for the last 3.5 years of (relatively) easy sailing?”  I have gotten so frustrated a few times that I have resorted to threatening to “mail her to Africa”.  For the time being, this threat is about the only one that sort of makes her pay attention to what I am saying to her.  So yeah, I know that is definitely not the best parenting strategy but right now, it is one born of sheer desperation. 

Anyway, time to go shower and get some sleep before the fun starts again tomorrow.  Hopefully we’ll work out a smoother plan of attack for this phase soon and things will fall back into equilibrium.

Happy holidays, internet!





Blah Blah

22 12 2009

Blah blah, busy holiday stuff, blah blah blah lack of posting discipline blah blah post-semester mental lethargy.  Too blah to even tweet. blah.  Blah blah blah blah too blah to write posts with detail, blah blah fill in the blanks however you like, blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah hosting Christmas dinner this year, blah blah blah blah trying to get house in some kind of minimally acceptable order.  Blah blah blah blah blah shopping mostly done, have much yet to do to get ready for post-Christmas Vegas expedition. Blah blah.

Blah blah…the other night, K said she “hated me” for first time ever, sniff.  Blah.

Blah blah blah blah K randomly started to eat a bowl of mixed fruit tonight, BLAH BLAH SHOCKED BLAH!

Blah dang blah kid SINGS every single time she is in the bathroom to poop.  Only when pooping, any time, any place.  If she starts singing blah blah blah, pooping is imminent.  It’s like the song of the humpbacks.  Blah. So blah-weird!  Song is random words or tonal sounds spontaneously strung together, blah blah blah poop song is different every time.

Blah blah blah blah 200th half-assed post!  Blah!





But, I Didn’t Do It!

15 12 2009

So a couple weeks ago, when K was in the throes of one of her recent colds (seriously, preschool is like a damn petri dish), she was very restless throughout the nights, and generally wasn’t sleeping well.  On this night in particular, she had gone to sleep readily enough, but woke up quickly and wanted to come snuggle in our bed.  So we got her all settled in and she dozed off…and then commenced to squirm, push, kick, whimper, squeal, groan, flip, flop, squawk and generally make a nuisance of herself for the next two hours.  At one point, she started screeching and crying in her sleep and so I gently turned her over and gathered her up in my arms to hold her and rub her back, hoping to soothe her.  She suddenly started fighting me and pushing away, and squawking louder.

CM: shhhh, it’s ok, let me hold you and help you get comfy so you can get back to sleep.

K: MOOOOM!!! NO!  YOU WERE POKING ME!

CM: what?!  I wasn’t poking you, I was just trying to hold you and rub your back and help you sleep…

K: NO! you were just poking me with a stick and it hurt!! (pathetic wailing)

CM: honey, you must have been dreaming, mommy would NEVER poke you with a stick! [feeling shocked and somehow slightly guilty for her distress, even though I didn't do anything wrong!]

K: but you were poking me and I didn’t like it…

CM: sweetheart, it was a dream.  I was just trying to snuggle with you…I didn’t poke you at all. Do you want me to hold you now?

K: (incoherent sleepy muttering) Ok but don’t poke me anymore!

FF: yeah dear, you better stop poking your daughter so we can all get some sleep in here!

Welcome to parenthood, where you feel terrible and guilty, even when you didn’t do anything.





Yep, More Holiday Cheer

15 12 2009





Can You Hear Me Now?

15 12 2009

Well, you know that implied promise I made to increase posting frequency…?  It kinda got shot to hell after my supposed “minor sniffly headcold” turned into a vortex of suffering.  My entire head kept feeling stuffier and stuffier, and then on Monday afternoon of last week, I noticed my voice getting a little hoarse.  By Tuesday morning, my voice was COMPLETELY gone.  I’ve never had such extreme laryngitis before, and it lasted for a full 4 days before even getting partial voice control back.  Along with the laryngitis fun and games, was a profound sinus infection, fever, unholy snot production, severe fatigue, and general crankiness.  All in all, I’ve been a fabulous one-person party for the last week.  I was prescribed antibiotics on Thursday, which have slowly started me back on the path of wellness, but I continue to worship at the altar of Mucinex and Puffs, with some random coughing thrown in for good measure today.

It was a very weird, cognitively dissonant, out-of-touch-with-reality kind of week.  I spent a great deal of time cocooned in FF’s Magic Blanket (more on this in another post) sleeping, which of course has driven the evil genius a little nuts, but overall she has been very sweet and caring. 

Anywho, ’tis the season and all that jazz.  Unfortunately it seems as though FF has started on the path of sickness himself today.  We shall see.  Would be nice to just be well and get caught up at work and housework, and spend a little time shopping and getting ready for Christmas. 

Since we are actually celebrating at home this year, and it is our first year in the new house, and because K is really into the excitement of it all, we* decided to put a little extra effort into decorating this year.  Now, some of you may know that FF is a bit of a “Bah-Humbug” sort of man, but he patiently & valiantly helps me with whatever crazy complicated holiday thing I cook up. He’s such a good hubby.

So the decorating mania actually started the weekend after Thanksgiving with Uncle Bubba’s helping us to get the exterior lights up:

Uncle Bubba complained EXTENSIVELY about this garland over the garage

A blurry night shot of the overall exterior

Old timey lights + icicle combo around the porch

Uber Festive Front Door

So then later in the week we started on the interior stuff, which ended up getting postponed due to a) broken tree lights b) sickness c) stupid stores not carrying enough stupid lights, d) lack of motivation.  In the interim, we did a family gingerbread house project, which I think turned out pretty spiffy:

The front (and the reclining snow-people on the left)

Back view

Close up view: GUMDROP TOILET PLUNGER!

And fortunately, the stupid, broken, annoying, fake, 4-foot tree is finally now up and decorated.  So that the cats can immediately begin plotting how best to destroy it, of course:

Look mom, Santa brought me some boxes to unpack and a BAD CAT!

The pretty view

Pretty much, the only other efforts made were to hang up the stockings and my special Storyteller doll wreath, which I inherited from my Grandma.  Oh, and a random extra string of lights and garland over the back door:

RANDOM DECORATING: should be an olympic sport

Stockings and wreath

Storyteller close-up

He fell off the wreath...I think he is drunk!

So there you have it…full photographic disclosure of all external evidence of my tenuous holiday spirit.  Now, if only I had a shop full of elves to finish unpacking, clean the house, make some money, do the shopping, wrap all the tasteful/thoughtful gifts, and cook Christmas dinner.

*we = this actually means it was solely my idea and then I mercilessly wrangled FF into helping.





It’s a Cat’s Life

9 12 2009

Figured it was time to post a photographic update on all things furry in our house.  These cats keep the house feeling very full and interesting every day.  Cookie Monster is still very much the nutty, affectionate, playful baby.  Juno is a little more serious and dignified but once she bonded with Cookie, she has loosened up and spends a lot more time now playing too.  Overall they are pretty good companions.  We refer to Juno as the “cat-dog” because she follows FF around like a devoted hound and licks his arms and legs for affection and attention.  She runs to the door and eagerly greets him every time we come home. Very un-cat-like.

And most amazingly, tonight I stashed Cookie in the downstairs bathroom because she was harassing and chasing Juno ad nauseum and making everyone nuts.  So I captured her and put her in “cat time out”.  Anyway, I went to let her out after a bit, and was mentally kicking myself for not hiding the toilet paper before putting Cookie in there, as she loves to shred it whenever possible.  I went in to assess the damage and found that ONCE AGAIN, she pooped in the toilet like a damn human!  It’s crazy!

Anyway, without further adieu, here are some recent snapshots:

Um, yeah...that looks comfortable...

Juno meditating on those last 6 stairs.

Awww, aren't we cute and innocent?

Could I be any blacker or pouffier, or more beautiful?

Improvisational Sunning Techniques 101

Excuse me, do you mind if I rest my head on your butt?

Grooming, Grooming, Grooming....

Doesn't my fur look magnificent against this contrasting pink bag??

Bad exposure but Juno is CRAZY for this paper with pink fuzzballs glued on. She kept taking it to the stairs and throwing it around.

IT'S MY PAPER!!! I ALONE WILL RULE IT!





Random Brain Droppings

7 12 2009

…because tying it all together is beyond me right now.

My iPod playlist is SO smart!  A fresh shuffle for today brought up “Christmas in the Caribbean” first!  A perfect mood-setter and Christmas-spirit energizer.  Of course, now if only I could work out the ‘Caribbean’ part for real.

Today was the evil genius’ four-year-old well checkup.  She is (surprise) a healthy, normal kid, although we left with an order for a blood draw to check for anemia since the kid doesn’t really eat anything.  That’s going to be fun, after the preview she gave us today for needle drama.  She was pretty brave while waiting for the medical technicians, but the fact that they did three separate shots was just too undignified for her taste and she cried up a huge storm.  She was also afraid to go to the bathroom later on because she was worried it would somehow make the needle ouchies hurt again. (?!) 

I had the best Eggs Benedict EVER today.  This dish, prevalent on menus far and wide, is one of those deceptively simple things than can either be heavenly or totally bad, depending on the technique, ingredient freshness, and skill of the chef.  When done right, it is one of the most delicious egg recipes known to man.  And today I found that elusive pinnacle of deliciousness: perfectly seasoned/textured hollandaise, perfectly poached eggs, perfectly grilled lean canadian bacon, and perfectly toasted muffins. YUM.

Not to go all Xena, warrior feminist or anything, but WTF is up with online merchants that have sortable toy lists by gender?  Not that I object in general to sorting, but specifically, come on, when did boys corner the market on Lincoln Logs and Toy Story figurines?  Really, Sam’s Club?  REALLY?  My little girly-girl plays with her tool bench and dump trucks just as much as her baby dolls, dress-up, etc.  And how about this marketing pitch: “Every little girl loves to play dress up, and her dolls should be no different!”  Well, I’m not necessarily representative of the general girly population but I say, hey, you can just take your dress-up doll stereotypes and shove them up your chimney.

However, am pretty pleased with self for figuring out Santa gift for evil genius: uber-cool art desk/easel thing.  OK, it is conceivably true that this gift is as much for her poor parents as for her.  Because we are so tired of all her art supplies over-runnething (yeah, I just made that word up) the whole house.  But seriously, she is all hands-on/messy art girl these days and I think this will give her a great “home base” to center all her creative projects.  Did you notice all that STORAGE?!?!  It seems that when you are a parent trying to manage 5,209,381 toys, the oddest things begin to excite you!  Now, if Santa could just figure out what to get for FF….

Weird reflection regarding last paragraph: it won’t be much longer before I can no longer incriminate myself regarding gifts in written form, because she’ll be able to READ.  Crazy.  Someday soon I’ll actually have to start writing that weird inward-focusing post about my thoughts on blogging about a kid that can actually go read my every gory written ponderance.  Not that I’m saying she’ll be comprehending everything right away, but still people.  Are all the times I’ve wondered out loud [well, out loud in text, anyway] whether I’m scarring her, going to SCAR HER?  Well, that’s an interdimensional rabbit hole for another day.

I’m SO SO SO excited and happy that as of 11:59PM tonight, I am DONE BABY DONE with the Fall 2009 school semester.  Must…dredge…up….motivation…for…one…last…small…assignment…tonight. (groan)  But yeah, I survived another torturous 6 credit hours, woohoo!  I am sure this will (temporarily) increase the volume, quality, and potential wittiness of all forthcoming blog efforts.  You’re welcome.

K has had a cold for the last couple weeks.  Well, actually I think it was 2 separate bugs that overlapped.  I got in on the 2nd round action, and started getting sick last Friday.  Fortunately it seems to be not much more than a pesky head cold, with some general fatigue, achiness, whininess (just ask FF!), and sore throat/scary voice.  It kind of tanked my motivation/progress/Christmas spirit over the weekend, cause I’d hoped to finish decorating & cleaning up the inside of the house.  And get the tree up.  In reality, all we got done was painting the last purple accent wall in the dining room/kitchen, and an evil 2-hour fight with the fake tree to get all the built-in lights working.  The tree won.  Oh well, we will seek reinforcements at Lowe’s tonight and once more into the fray, dear friends.

YAY PURPLE!

That’s all for now, folks.  Stay tuned for a photographic biopic on all things Cookie & Juno, and a “Christmas decorating insanity” post that’s sure to boost your holiday spirit.





Official Birthday Report + Misc.

6 12 2009
Well, the most important thing I have to relate regarding K’s birthday festivities is that sister-in-law Carole ROCKS the kid party thing.  Whenever I contemplate kid parties, I feel confused and inadequate, so I can’t even describe how grateful I am for her taking on various hosting, planning, and execution tasks.  She even made superbly delicious lasagna for the masses.  Yum! 

My contribution was to stay up til 5am the night before the party rough-editing a DVD montage of pics, music,  and video clips of K during the last two years.  I created one right before Christmas in 2007 covering the first 2 years of her life, so I guess this one could be considered part 2.  I only have enough ambition to put one of these puppies together every 2 years.  My creativity has bounds, people. 

The party games were a hoot.  They did ‘pin the sticker on the “My Little Pony” butt’, ‘Pony scavenger hunt’, ‘toilet paper mummies’, and of course, the Pony Piñata.   (Technically, is a piñata considered a party game or is it in a category of its own?  I’m unclear on this point…)   K also kept dragging people around to play what she considered to be the ultimate party game: “balloon toss”.  I don’t know that I’d qualify that as a “game”, as it had no points, rules, or objectives but hey, she was the birthday girl so whatever.  

The toilet paper mummies were hysterical because we had situations where kids were helping other kids wrap up in toilet paper, so there was mayhem on all sides.  K seemed a little confused/uncertain at first while getting mummified, but when it came time to “break free” from her bindings, she thought it was so much fun that she demanded to be wrapped back up a couple more times.  I think she probably would have let us keep wrapping her up and shredding her way out for the rest of the day. 

I was concerned that she might be…distressed…by people taking a bat to her beloved pink pony piñata, but my worries were completely unfounded.  She was the first in line with the bat, and she wanted to be the one to deliver the death-blow.  Surprisingly, after the initial candy-gathering rush, the kids proved to be rather indifferent and the adults ended up cleaning up the remaining loot from the lawn.  I don’t remember that in my hazy childhood recollections of piñata insanity, but maybe there was a) too much candy or b) the group demographics are a little young still.  Very mysterious. 

Anyway, the highlight for me was my one creative party idea: a build-your-own-sundae-bar for the kids instead of doing traditional cake & ice cream.  Fortunately Aunt Carole had the perfect coffee table to set up outside for the kids so they could sit at their own level and build their creations.  It.was.awesome!  Messy, sticky, crazy, goodness.  But everyone had a lot of fun with it, and I had a moment of pure childish joy as I circled through the masses squirting canned whipped cream directly into all the kids’ mouths (ok, and one of the parents too, I must be honest.)  Does it get any better than that? 

As soon as UNCLE BUBBA gets on the ball and gets me a copy of his pics from the party, I’ll post a few here to recap the mayhem. Especially the dastardly sight of small children using an aluminum bat to pummel the life out of a small pink pony.  Delightful. 

So she is very proud and excited to be 4 and is happy to tell everyone about it.  Wish she’d just slow down on the growing-up thing.  (sniff.) 

Of course the week following the party was a mad rush of homework, house cleaning, and a little Thanksgiving day prep.  We weren’t hosting this year fortunately (still way too many boxes and crap in the way) but we did make a couple dishes to bring.  Monday afternoon, for some unknown reason, K’s eyes weren’t in focus and were not tracking together at all.  When we asked her about it, she basically described double-vision in kid terms.  So yeah, I was a panicky mess and freaking out.  Fortunately she didn’t have any other symptoms of head trauma or anything, so we waited til the next morning to take her to see the pediatrician.  Dr. Salad did a basic vision test (pain in the ass with a 4-year-old, let me tell you) and examined her, and basically said she might be starting down the path of strabismus or lazy eye, and sometimes it happens like that…when kids spontaneously start having vision issues and frighten their poor parents to death.  Both FF and I have some vision issues so it wouldn’t be too surprising for her to have genetic fallout in the headlight department.  We have already scheduled an exam with a pediatric ophthalmologist in January, so we’ll see.  She has been normal ever since that day, so who knows. 

So the poor kid missed her preschool Thanksgiving party because of the urgent doctor appointment.  Oh well, maybe next year.  The cornbread she carefully made for the party got redirected to Thanksgiving.  And Thanksgiving itself was a very nice day, with lovely warm weather, happy kids running around hitting each other with sticks and throwing cake in the empty pool, etc.  Aunt Carole and Uncle Vic always make a killer turkey so the food was great and it was overall a very mellow and relaxing afternoon.  Pumpkin cheesecake roll, yuuuuuummmmmm. 

And so then Gmom and Uncle Bubba came down to our house following Thanksgiving so that UB could be our slave-labor minion for a couple days.  We went to Lowe’s and picked out Christmas lights for the house, and then UB and FF got to try out our new ladder (thanks Aunt D!) to put ‘em all up.  It turned out pretty well but we still need a few more strands to finish off the tree.  Once that wee task was done, we started in on the much bigger and more annoying job: painting the long accent wall in the master bedroom, to cover up the obnoxious gang graffiti from when the house was empty and in foreclosure.  The wall is now a gorgeous shade of bright, dark purple, known as “Fresh Grape Juice”.  Uncle Bubba is a really good painter in general but it’s always hard work with dark colors that join a white wall seam.  We’ll have to do a little white touch up later to fix a couple booboos.  Big huge thank you to UB for his help – I am SO happy to finally get the bedroom done. 

So long, gang graffiti!

We actually have pictures on the wall now!!!

And just ‘cuz he’s a sweet little bro, he indulged me in also painting one of the walls in the downstairs bathroom since we had leftover paint, and it was a little boring in there.  It took way longer to tape off and edge that small wall than to actually paint the bulk of it.  But it too is now a beautiful “Fresh Grape Juice” and looks awesome.  Bro–you gave me the best Christmas present ever by getting all that done!  I owe you big time. 

Taping...taping....taping....

That edge needs some work, dude

Creative music management during painting

So…then last Saturday, we went to Sears and had portraits done of the evil genius.  We actually were going to do a family portrait but we were all busy painting until about 1am on Friday night, and I hadn’t yet unpacked the box with all my nice-ish clothes.  So we forfeited the full family portrait and just went for kiddo pictures.  I have been distinctly lax in this department (getting professional pictures taken that is) because when K was barely 1 year old, all the siblings took the cousins to Sears to sit for a “grandkids” picture as a surprise for Gmom.  It was so crazy that it scarred me and I couldn’t bring myself to take her back for pictures until now.  Yes, it took me three years to get over the insanity of one portrait session with eight kids, some of whom screamed constantly and kept trying to run away from the staging area.  (shudder)  Anyway, K’s picture session went quite well this time, except for the fact that K is terminally unable to smile on command.  She either looks like she is wincing in pain, trying to growl, or struggling through a severe case of constipation.  I have to give the kid credit; she really tries, but she just can’t seem to produce a genuine smile on command.  Oh well, (most of) the pictures are still beautiful.

This one goes in the hall of shame

Nestled amongst all that mayhem was K2’s birthday party (she is only 9 days younger than K so their parties always fall approximately a week apart.)  It was a very fun party, and our little evil genius spent a long time playing with K2’s very large blow-up shark, chasing all her cousins around pretending to eat them with the shark.  Hmmm, I wonder what that means.  

She has been sleeping pretty well lately, thankfully.  Eating comes in fits and spurts.  Sometimes she’ll go 3 or 4 days without eating much of anything, and then ravenously consume a large meal and then go back to not eating for a few more days.  Developmentally speaking, she is still really good friends with the word “NO” and continues to throw us new curve balls all the time.  I find myself at the end of the day occasionally falling into ridiculous, clichéd parenting traps, even.though.I.know.better.  Like bargaining and bribing to get stuff done.  Like threatening to put her in time- out for the next two years.  Le sigh.  Guess we can’t be super-moms all the time, right?  RIGHT?





Will Work for Bling

23 11 2009

This is quite possibly the best token of appreciation I’ve ever received from a colleague: SHRIMP BLING!

So...shiny....!

Notice the Sparkles!





This Explains a Lot

23 11 2009





A Very Creative Child

17 11 2009

So, I was thumbing through my iPhone pics today looking for an image of our cats, when I stumbled on the following recent addition to the gallery, created by yours truly, the evil-genius.  She is a very creative child and apparently she has figured out how to save her artwork from a doodle-app we downloaded.   SURPRISE MOM!

I think it is the best abstract monster-thing I have ever seen.

Awww, he is such a happy monster!





Snark-Free Reflection

13 11 2009

Well, the evil-genius turns 4 next week.  As I’ve mentioned before, mentally I always kind of put “4″ as that terminal barrier between babyhood and childhood.  Arbitrary I know, but hey we all have these inexplicable assumptions in life.  Anyway, this kind of puts me in a sappy reflective mood; thus a sappy, snark-free post is imminent.  Consider yourself warned.  Actually, I guess this post is really for my mom, because in the great cliché that is parenting, all that stuff she warned me about regarding having kids has pretty much come true.

RE: weeklong blog hiatus…actually this time just the result of a state of lethargic mental stasis.  I kind of achieved a place of pseudo-homework-catchup  and I was so burned out that I just didn’t want to look at a computer at all.  Even the cathartic pleasures of blogging couldn’t drag me out.  So my precious leisure time was spent catching up on episodes of NCIS, SVU, and I watched Casanova.  I’m not sure how I missed that when it came out, but while it was a funny-fluff type movie, I genuinely enjoyed the stellar performances by Heath Ledger, Oliver Platt, Jeremy Irons, and Lena Olin.  [Oh, after consulting the oracles at IMDB, now I know why I missed out on this movie.  It was released in December 2005 - a month after the evil genius was born.  It all makes sense now.]

Without further ado (in no particular order), Stuff I Understand Now that I’m a Parent:

  • Loving someone so selflessly and completely that you would trade a lifetime of your own to ensure even so much as a day of theirs. 
  • The bone-crunching fear of a long wakeful night with a sick baby/child, and how you’d do anything to take away their suffering.
  • The anger and hate you can feel towards reckless / aggressive / stupid drivers that threaten the safety of your vehicle when your child is on board.  I TOTALLY get those lame “baby on board” stickers now.
  • The complete and utter awe/pride you can feel over the smallest things…your baby crawling to greet you with a huge, goofy, toothless grin; the first time they laugh; the strength in their tiny newborn body and spirit.
  • The ability to be absolutely 100% immune to getting grossed out over snot/poo/urine/vomit/any combination of all the above.
  • Sleep deprivation so profound that you can no longer comprehend basic, simple language, like “do you want a glass of water?”  (I have a distinct memory of asking FF “what do you mean?” in response to that query in the hazy first few weeks after birth.)
  • Feeling soul-crushingly guilty for things that were truly beyond your control.  Even realizing that things were beyond your control and STILL being unable to rationally deal with the guilt.
  • The wish to slow down that process of growing-up.  To just keep that little baby in your arms a little longer,  to nurse her one more time, to know that her family is her whole world for a little longer. 
  • To see nothing but beauty, joy, and perfection in a person.  Even after their third potty accident of the day.
  • To realize that you want to be a better person, and find out that you can be kinder, more understanding, gentler, and more generous because of it. 
  • To be unable to watch or read movies/shows/stories that depict large-scale destruction or disasters.  To not be able to tolerate TV shows that depict harm to children without tears in your eyes.
  • To be way, way more sentimental than you EVER thought possible.
  • That you can be full of frustration, irritation, impatience, AND love at the same time.
  • Mini-vans are totally the cat’s meow.  I wouldn’t have been caught dead saying that a few years ago.
  • To know that this post really exposes one to a whole lot of “I-told-you-so’s” and to really not care.  Hah!

 





Stuffing

12 11 2009

Random Conversations 101:

stuffingK: Mom, I have a bunch of stuffing in my ears.

CM: huh???

K: yeah, I have a lot of stuffing in my ears and I need to yawn REALLY BIG and then the stuffing will come out.  Then I will hear everything louder. 

CM: OH (sudden realization that during our last car trip, I might have needed to explain ear congestion better.)





Facts of Life, Cont.

5 11 2009
tetris-baby

toothpastefordinner.com

So, today for some reason, K was back to talking about having babies and taking care of them, etc.  She drug out her baby-doll cradle and blankets and was playing with her one lonesome unpacked doll.  She went downstairs and made some homemade applesauce in her play kitchen, even.

And then, in the evening, I was resting downstairs and decided to watch a DVR’d episode of “Deliver Me”.  Yeah, it’s one of those weird baby-train shows on Discovery Health, and they all seem to be appealing for the same reasons you might want to lean over and peer at a train wreck.

Anyway, K came downstairs and started watching part of the show with me, and they were performing a C-section.  Now, back during our extensive Facts of Life conversations, we talked about babies getting born two different ways, and that sometimes doctors have to help the babies out through the front of the tummy.  This was especially interesting to her because I told her that was how SHE was born, and so seeing it (discreetly) on TV seemed to help her make sense of it all.

Anyway, the conversation then went like this:

K: Ok Mom, it’s time for you to have another baby.

CM: WHA???

K: yeah, here is a baby, now put it under your shirt and I am the doctor and I am going to help the baby come out and get born.

CM: um, ok…

K: I have a needle and I am going to poke you, so it’s going to hurt.

CM: well ok, but the doctors usually give the mommy some medicine first so the needles don’t hurt.

K: ok here’s some medicine, now I’m getting my needles and doctor tools…

CM: (slightly cringing)

(she simulates gutting me and then yanks out a large plastic infant from under my shirt)

K: Wow, there you go ma’am, she is adorable!  oh but give her back to me because I have to use this towel to wipe her off.  OK, there you go.

CM: thanks doctor!  is it a boy or girl?

K: a beautiful baby girl…

CM: what’s her name?

K: ummm, Gogo.

CM: (choking laughter) ok then.

K: ok ma’am, enjoy your baby. I have to go help another customer now.  Have a nice day.





I Major in Cute

3 11 2009

K has been reminding me of her undisputed ability to be cute lately…

The other night, I was hanging out upstairs with FF chatting about nothing in particular, and K comes running up with a bottle of water:

K: mom! this is my beer water!

(both parental units laugh)

K: it is really good, I am going to drink this beer water!

(starting to get a little nervous that I’ve somehow programmed her to start on the path of alcoholism at age 3)

K: here, you should have some beer water, mom and dad!

FF: I know you are just playing kiddo, but beer is only for adults…

K: NO DAD, not BEER, it is BEARD water!

CM and FF: ummmmm ok…

K: yeah, you drink it and it makes your beard grow right here on your chin (gesturing) and then when you are done you can just wipe it off with your hand, see?

CM: oh great! (quietly relieved about the beer thing)

K: here, try some beard water and grow a nice fluffy beard!

CM: yum!

________________________________

On Sunday night, Aunt D gave K a Maisy book.  She was very thrilled with this, especially because it is one of those books with action flaps and tabs you can pull etc.  I have been home sick the last 2 days and for some reason, K has decided that reading me her Maisy book several times a day is just the thing to get me on the path to recovery.  It is sooo cute and sweet (even if I actually did sleep through it a couple times).

Anyway, this morning FF was getting ready to take her to school and I thought they had already left, when she comes bolting upstairs, into the bedroom and goes “MOM! I forgot to read Maisy to you before leaving so I came back!  I will read it to you now before I go to school!”

All together now….”AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!”





Weirdest Cat Story Ever

1 11 2009
wave

I'm as smart as I am beautiful!

…at least in my personal experience.

So, this weekend, we went up north to visit with Gmom, Uncle Bubba, and to have Halloween adventures with K’s boy cousins.  We also brought K2 with us because of last-minute schedule conflicts for her parents.  It was a whirlwind, fun trip, and the kids had a blast.  They each got enough candy to sink a few small, poorly-provisioned battleships.

Anyway, we got home tonight in the early evening hours, and FF went in to use the restroom while I cleaned out the misc kid trash from the back of the van.  He came back to the garage and informed me that he had bad news.  Several terrible scenarios began to flash through my mind, because after all, we DID leave the house unattended on the most mischievous night of the year! 

But, apparently, I accidentally locked poor Cookie in one of the upstairs bathrooms yesterday when I was getting ready to leave.  I swear I saw her and Juno playing upstairs before I left, but either she has ninja-cat skills which include passing through doors…or I screwed up.  I think I learned a valuable lesson here.  Cookie was lonely, hungry, and yowling, but none the worse for wear otherwise.

Back to the point…FF warned me the bathroom was very stinky.  After we finished unloading the van, I figured I better go survey the damage so I cautiously entered the bathroom.  I didn’t smell anything, which I thought was weird, but figured it ventilated when FF opened it earlier.  I didn’t see anything out of order except the soap dispenser knocked over, the rug folded a bit, and a roll of toilet paper half-unfurled.

My next thought was that she must have done her business in the bathtub, and I was dreading the mess because I knew that some of K’s bath toys had been in there.  So I carefully swept back the curtain, only to find…nothing but toys.

I was starting to get puzzled, so I picked up the rug and realized it was a little damp with cat pee but not much.  Then I turned around, and did a major double-take. 

There was a rather sizeable pile of cat poo IN THE TOILET.   And not just haphazardly littered around the bowl, but actually NEATLY DOWN IN THE WATER, just as if a human had sat there and done their business a few times without wiping or flushing.  I literally rubbed my eyes and looked again, just to be sure I wasn’t seeing things.  Yep, still a bunch of cat poops in the toilet.

I was still dumbfounded so I went to get FF to act as independent witness.  He was shocked into speechlessness, which is very rare for him with anything cat-related.  Apparently, we have a cat-genius, and even at a frustrating time which might ostensibly call for all-out biological warfare, she chose to take the clean route.   I was tempted to take a picture for posterity, but I just have to draw the line at photographing cat poo.

I do realize that some people train their cats to use toilets, but this was totally spontaneous and would seem to go against normal cat intuition.  I would have expected to find the rug defiled, if not the floor, tub, or sink.  The fact that she neatly used the toilet proves beyond a doubt that our Cookie Monster is One Unique Cat. 

As if that weren’t enough to keep me in Alice’s Wonderland for awhile, I was telling this story to one of the bro’s on the phone tonight, and K was sitting nearby listening to me. 

She then pipes up with this gem of a confession: “last week, I was just pretending to be a cat, and I wasn’t wearing any clothes at night, and so I went and tinkled in the litter box just like a cat!” 

CM: (choking) OMG are you serious?  were you pretending to use the litter box, or did you really tinkle in there?

K: (quiet voice) for real.  I was being a cat!

CM: oh.my.god.

Welcome to my world, where the cat uses the toilet, and the kid uses the litter pan.





I can’t bear to correct her…

28 10 2009

K is a VERY verbal child and pronounces things extremely well for her age.  Her assessments at preschool have been off the charts in many areas.  But as with most kids, she has a few particular words that she consistently pronounces differently and they are SO cute I can’t bear to correct her!

My top picks:

  • IFE: also known as a “knife” 
  • INNY-AILS: also known as “fingernails”
  • INNY-OOM: also known as the “living room”
  • PEW-FAWN: also known as a “python”




Unbelievable

25 10 2009

CM to FF: you know, K has a very distinct laugh and tone of voice when she is deviling the cats. (overhearing said laugh in the other room.)

FF: muahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

CM: OMG that was the evilest laugh I’ve ever heard, you cat hater!

FF: muahahahahahaha *cough choke cough*





Interpretive Art

24 10 2009

What better way to create a portrait of one’s father than by artfully arranging apple slices? (note the strings carefully arranged as a mustache.)





A New Obsession

23 10 2009

FF has a new obsession…this Delta faucet (and the ad).  Too bad it’s so expensive…





Data Dump

23 10 2009

So I was in this meeting earlier this week, where the phrase “data dump” got used about 839 times, and one of the attendees kept referring to themselves in the third person.  IE: “well, this is just Jane Doe throwing out ideas but…”

But it’s a timely phrase I guess, since I’ve barely had time recently to throw out a few 140-character tweets, let alone actually write a blog post.  I find that I really MISS the mental purge, and I actually write posts in my head but I am lacking  direct transfer button from my brain to WordPress.  Maybe they’ll make an app for that soon?

So to unburden and update as much as possible while I have a small slice of precious time, I’ll attempt to categorize:

Work

Well, it’s been an interesting semester so far.  Very busy of course, but with the advent of our new “fourth guy”, a productive and positive start to the academic year, I think.  Our organizational structure is stronger than ever, and leadership is more committed to us than ever, I feel.  Personally, I have been able to spend more time doing stuff that I find to be extremely fun and meaningful – providing faculty development, training, and support on those topics where pedagogy and technology collide.   I have lots of plans and dreams and hopes for ways to stretch further, learn more, and grow in this role.   I just want to say here for the record that I am very lucky, and VERY thankful to be working directly with the coolest colleagues anyone could have ever asked for, and within a unit where everyone is valued, appreciated, and recognized.   Our unit is putting on an open house for the rest of our college next week, and I will refrain from going into details other than it involves a TOGA PARTY.  Jealous now, aren’tcha?

A fun and recent random development is something of a lunch philosophy club…ok, not really, but while my coworkers and I do lunch frequently, we are usually pretty rushed.  As the semester gets into the eye of the storm, we have a little more even pacing and some breathing room.  Which means the lunch hour can actually be, well, a lunch hour again.  It’s been so nice to have interesting, thought-provoking conversations (with adults!) that have nothing to do with a) your kids/family life/broken cars, b) work, or c)  H1N1 swine flu.  Sorry RustyG, that you’ve actually BEEN out sick with H1N1 and haven’t been able to partake.  Next week, dude.

Holy brain exercise, batman.

Grad School

Is the devil.  ‘Nuff said.

To be serious though, I am struggling through a rough mid-degree slump.  The cultural foundations class has actually turned out to be pretty interesting, once we got past the first few weeks of irrelevance.  The other class is a challenge and a frustration because I am taking it too early in the ed-tech curriculum rotation but I did not receive proper guidance from the program administrators, and I am stuck now for reasons of logistics and financial aid.  Oh well, at least the instructor is a real gem–she makes it tolerable.

The most exciting (or depressing, depending on how you look at it) thing is that I finally sat down and reworked my plan of study this week and I sort of have the “end in sight”.  If things work out ideally, I may be able to graduate in December of 2010, but depending on a few unforseeables may actually be May 2011.  Either way, just kind of having a date to think about has brightened my outlook considerably.  Maybe I need to create a countdown calendar?

The New House

Well, yeah, it’s awesome.  But to be honest, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that we own it.  It’s kind of like I’m too afraid to embrace it and feel excited about it yet.  Which is strange I know, but I think after struggling for over 6 months to buy it, I’m still shellshocked.  Unfortunately it is still a complete disaster area but each weekend we make a little bit more progress.  Notable accomplishments include getting exactly one (1) picture hung on the wall, and the dining room table set up finally. 

The back yard is a pit of despair badly needing weed killer and landscaping but we just haven’t had time, money, or energy to tackle the project yet.  The yard full of weeds have HUGE thorns and you risk your life by walking across.  They are so dry, big, and strong that they poked all the way thru my cushy crocs.  That has to be at least a half centimeter of rubbery material.  It took well over an hour to de-thorn all of our shoes after we got through the ferret burial process. 

And the master bedroom really needs the long accent wall re-painted.  We still sleep nightly under gang symbols painted in woolite, from the period when the house was in foreclosure and broken in to.  We have the new paint (thanks again Aunt D – you rock!) but again, pretty much need to have the boxes unpacked and out of the way to have room to shift the furniture around.  Sigh.

Oh and due to my craptacular (read: nonexistent) ability to park and/or depth perception, I have crunched the garage door down on the bumper of the mom-mobile a couple times.  Now the opener mechanism is a bit funky and will need some repair, ASAP.  I think we need a horde of home improvement elves.  Does Home Depot sell those?

Misc Family Life

FF has managed to convert the simple cold that K brought home into a nasty bout of bronchitis.  He saw the doc today and left with a sheaf of prescriptions, instructions, and an order for a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia.  Oh and he also got a shot in the ass of flu antiviral…just in case. 

Due to this, the family dining agenda is all messed up.  I barely cook and on those rare occasions that I do, sometimes I barely pull it off.  I can cook a decent homemade mac n cheese, or turkey chili.  Beyond that, it is sandwiches and canned soup as far as I’m concerned.  Thank god I had the good sense to pick a man who is a great cook, except we don’t have much backup plan when he is taking a week off sick. 

Anyway, the point of that rambling stream of consciousness was to relate that he did in fact try to cook dinner the other night, staggering around coughing and feverish.  He is a dedicated spouse and father, people.  This, combined with my amateurish attempts to help, sealed our fate with a rare and terrible ‘Dinner Fail’.  How can you screw up pot roast in a slow cooker so bad that it’s practically inedible?  I don’t know but we managed.

The cats have mostly reconciled.  They play together a lot, and while they don’t sleep in a cuddly cat pile ALL the time, they do so with increasing frequency.  Cookie is still a little too nutso for Juno’s taste, but she is teaching Juno the fine art of playful sneak attacks.   Juno has firmly attached herself to FF, and you can be assured that no matter what time of day, she will be within about 3-5 feet of him at ALL times except when she absolutely must use the litter pan or eat.  He accepts her dog-like devotion with aplomb and even pets her now and then, despite his avowed cat-hate.

Gmom is cooking up a crazy post-Christmas Vegas vacation so we are starting to get excited about that.  Hopefully I’ll be able to sneak out of work for at least a week.  Gotta spend that financial aid productively, you know?

The Evil Genius

Holy cow, the last couple months have been a wild ride. 

The sleep chart kind of fizzled, as I thought it might.  Even with short term goals (M&Ms) and a long term one (Chuck E Cheese) her interest waned rapidly.  However, her sleep did improve significantly around that time, and we have finally achieved a major milestone: she actually will allow us to read to her, tuck her in, and leave her alone to go to sleep without a fuss.  Halle-freaking-lujah.  We thought we’d never see the day.  Unfortunately though, with the cold she brought home last week, her sleep pattern has been blown up again but at least she is still going to bed readily.  Score parents: 1, evil genius: 1.  It’s a dead heat right now.

Behaviorally, she is trying out all kinds of new strategies.  The most noticeable are a sudden affection for the word “NO” (she never really did a NO phase at 2 so I guess we are paying now), and that she is purposefully circumventing the rules if she really wants to do or have something.  She is getting into places and things she NEVER has before (cough cough) like mommy’s bedside nightstand.  She is experimenting with creative fibbing, hiding things behind her back, and generally exhibiting new levels of amazing stubbornness.

But at the same time, her sophistocation and understanding and language and thought processes are growing by leaps and bounds.  She still doesn’t like writing letters and words with us at home (she gets mad that she can’t do it perfectly) but is having a great time talking about letters, words, sounds and rhymes.  So I guess there is hope for her literacy yet.

She continues to pin us down for very detailed, complex explanations of random things.  One night at approximately 4am, she wanted to know why all the dinosaurs died.  Simplified reasoning was not acceptable and she kept badgering until I explained evolution, extinction, meteor strikes, etc.  She remembers this information surprisingly well and discusses it regularly.

And of course, our favorite topic, The Human Body.  See, Gmom gave us a kid-friendly anatomy book to help with the body talks.  As if the whole PENIS thing weren’t stressful (for us, her parents) enough, while looking at the book she wanted a very detailed explanation on where babies come from and why they grow inside mommies………yeah, my THREE year old wanted the birds and bees lecture already.  We are totally screwed. 

Well, it made FF squirm uncomfortably (must be a dad thing) but we gamely carried on (with the book as an aid) and explained everything as simply as possible.  K absorbed all the information, and wanted to see pictures of herself as a newborn so we did that.   I had hoped perhaps that might be the end of it for the time being. 

But oh, no…that would be TOO EASY.

In the next few days, she was carrying out a lot of pretend play about having babies and could be randomly heard walking around asking us, or the cats, or her toys to lend her some sperm so she could grow a baby.  Whoa.    Again, I hoped after a few days, she’d move on to something else.

But oh, no…that would be TOO EASY.

Last Thursday, FF picked her up from school (oh yes, here it comes) and was informed that our dear, darling, little evil-genius lectured the whole class of 3-5 year olds on The Facts of Life.  I think I am equal parts proud, dismayed, and amused.  Fortunately the teacher was very supportive and she was very impressed with K’s level of understanding and accuracy.  She expressed approval for teaching K the proper words and concepts instead of passing her off on a stork tale (does anyone try that anymore?). 

It is however, a day that will go down in our personal parenting book of infamy.

2009-01-07-Birds-and-Bees





You Know You Have Kids…

18 10 2009

When all the light switches and doors in your house look like THIS:

How do they manage to be sticky and messy ALL the time?!

How do they manage to be sticky and messy ALL the time?!





Braindead

17 10 2009

Well, I haven’t had the intellectual fortitude to actually sit in front of the computer to write anything meaningful for days…and so I come to you from the limited confines of my iPhone.

Pretty braindead here…K has come down with a cold (I do hope only a cold and not flu), I have mountains of homework to do this weekend and for the first time in my life worried that I may not be able to pass a class. The house is a mess, the cats are nuts playing and galloping everywhere, spreading bits of litter everywhere with abandon.

But hey we have a new blog domain (check out your URL bar) and I can also now be reached at cluelessmom@whatdoyouwantfordinner.net !

More coming soon.